Reflections on a season of questioning (Alternate title: Politics, religion, and my life as a human)

For a while now I’ve been in a self reflective season which culminated over the past couple of weeks into an intense period of being completely stuck in my head.

I kept questioning and questioning and fretting and worrying. I lost my footing. 

It happens from time to time. 

I blame it on my Maximizer strength. I want to maximize every situation.

I was searching for answers. I wanted to know how and why people would limit God in ways that are different from the view I have of God. I wanted to understand why people were getting stuck in their mindset and refusing to see other ways (or admit the possibility of a bigger picture). I wanted to understand why I was in that same boat.

I was trying to maximize my relationship with God.

I was trying to maximize my human experience.

I was trying to maximize my decisions.

I was trying to maximize my vote.

I was trying to maximize my political thoughts.

I questioned how those two even intersected, and why I ended up on the opposite side of so many I know.

I felt anxious.

 I felt disconnected from a vocal group who consistently shouts their love of the Lord from the rooftops and claim to be the purveyors of morality when it comes to choosing leaders for our country.

I couldn’t see past it. I was trying to understand their mindset and reconcile it with my mindset. I was trying to understand why they were coming at the messiness of human life from the complete opposite side of the political spectrum from me. (I actually think if we drilled down on the issues at play in our society most of us would end up more centrally focused than we realize…even if we seem to gravitate toward extremes.)

This week, I had an aha moment.

I’m doing a Bible study right now and one of the things we discussed was how forget to focus on God. 

We get caught up in our heads and in the issues which surround us. We get lost in the details and differences between us. We can find ourselves feeling disconnected. We forget to draw near to Him.

I’ve let the actions and words of others, make me question so much of what I consider to be the beauty of my own relationship with God.

I’ve let it keep me from participating in church, from discussing my thoughts, and from working on my relationship with God because I get stuck in the why.

That was how I chose to react to other people’s opinions. 

This week and going forward I’m saying no more.

I am finally feeling at peace in my relationship with God. Not to say there won’t be struggles ahead, but I think something has clicked in me.

I have always tried to appreciate that there are a million sides to every story. I have prayed about and worked hard at times to approach situations with humility, so much so I have limited God.

Life is this crazy big, beautiful mess. You can choose to get caught up in the mess and the unknown or you can turn your eyes to God and trust. Trust that there is something bigger at work here. Trust that love will always win. Love will always win.

It doesn’t matter how other people choose to interconnect religion with politics. It doesn’t matter how far right or left people push things.

If I am a believer in God – the omnipotent, omniscient Creator – I believe my focus should be on Him. I cannot worry about other’s relationships (or views of him). I can consistently work on allowing myself the chance to let go and be a way for His light to shine.

I am not a Biblical scholar, nor am I a religious expert. I am me. I am a human being trying my best to draw near to God.

I am a Christian who is Pro Choice. I am a Christian who lands on the left end of the political spectrum. I am a Christian who doesn’t want my government (state or federal) interfering in marriage. I am Christian who doesn’t want to hang my hopes in any one political party or platform. I am a Christian who has views that are different from many Christians around me, but I am certain there are others like me, too. 

I am also certain that not all the things I believe, in this case politically, are set in stone. Growth and change are inevitable. That’s the beautiful and messy part of life I think.

At the end of the day, I’ve got my eye on the unwavering love of the Lord God Almighty because He is my constant. I will try my best to look to Him and not limit Him, and with that I hope I will do a better job not worrying about other people which limits them and myself.

No limits, only love.

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