Time for a new season and new habits.
Starting in September, Little Man will be at home with me full time. I am so looking forward to it. I feel like the transition from staying at home yet still having him in school to having him with me all day, every day has been a much needed and perfect-for-us gradual process. Now that I’ve had ample time for self reflection, I feel better equipped to enter this next phase of mommyhood.
This summer was wonderful, but hard. We started it with motivation and new life. The excitement of things to come was tangible, but ended ubruptly. The sweet new life was not meant to be here on earth which hurt profoundly. I struggled with motivation and lost some of the habits I was working on forming. Things started to feel out of sorts. I chose to keep the pain of loss somewhat private instead of share it. Probably not the best way to grieve, but in the heat of this summer it is what my fragile heart needed.
My hope is that with this new season and with the joyful energy of a two year old around every day, I’ll be able to settle back into life.
Little Man also had (is having) some struggles this summer. The growth from 2 to 3 is hard work for little ones. He’s gone from easy drop offs at school to melt downs back to easy and now as the summer ends it is unfortunately back to difficult. It hurts my heart to see him struggle with big emotions in the morning knowing that I won’t be there with him while he works through them. I know it is necessary for him to learn to work through his emotions, and I know there are always going to be things that are upsetting. I realize I cannot protect him from struggles, but by the same token, I feel like the school related struggles are wholly unneccesary. I’m home now, and I know in my heart that he belongs home with me. I’m ready to be present for him in a way that I don’t think I would have been 7 months ago. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity, and that this is even an option for us.
I’m looking forward to getting to know him as a person. I’m looking forward to daily walks, playing trains and cars, laying on the floor talking (oh boy, does he love to talk). I’m looking forward to seeing him play and dream up stories. I’m ready for hours of coloring and observing his personality. I’m ready to be with him as he works through his emotions and show him how to verbalize the things he’s feeling. Perhaps most importantly for me, I’m ready to learn from him. Little Man is a good teacher. He loves fiercely and fearlessly. He dreams. He has a beautiful soul and huge heart. His emotions are true and deep.
All that to say, in a few short weeks, we’ll be in a new season and on to our new adventure. It won’t be what we had imagined at the beginning of summer, but it will be right.
Peace & hope,