Insecurities

This scares me.

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My milk supply has definitely decreased over the last week or so. I talked to my lactation consultant last Friday night, and we played through all the possible scenarios.

She figured that a.) I’d probably be starting my period within the next week or two & b.) this was just the normal baby starts gradually eating more solids/mama’s milk supply gradually drops thing happening. I concurred.

But…yes, there’s a but…I still have doubts nagging in the back of my mind. Insecurities, if you will.

I know Little Man is coming up on a year soon, way too soon. I know that as time goes on, he’ll slowly wean himself. I know that means my supply is going to start dropping, but I guess I didn’t realize it would start happening already.

I mean, I feel like we only really, truly got the whole nursing thing down pat only a few short weeks ago. I’ve dealt with plugged ducts, mastitis, thrush — the works. I’m not ready for the slow decline. Not yet.

I worry that the drop in supply is happening too quickly. I don’t track my pumping output/amount of nursing sessions/etc. anymore, so I find myself racking my brain, trying to figure out how much I’ve been nursing. How much I’ve been pumping.

When I couldn’t even get to 3 oz pumping this morning, all my doubts & insecurities bubbled to the surface again.

Little Man needs a good 7 oz to get through the morning & afternoon when I’m at work. Me pumping 3 oz in the morning and 2 oz in the afternoon isn’t going to cut it for long. My freezer stash is already taking a hit.

I know my lactation consultant is probably right, and if my period does return, then more than likely, my supply will ramp up again. But meanwhile, I’m left here wondering…what if it doesn’t return? What if this is my first real low supply issue? What if I dry up before he’s ready, before I’m ready?

Sigh. Mama stuff can be so hard sometimes.

So, I’ve been loading up on Mother’s Milk tea, oatmeal, and lots of water. I also ordered some Milkmakers Cookie mix (oatmeal chocolate chip, yum).

I’m also hoping my period starts. Seriously? I have never hoped for that before.

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